i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My feet surprised me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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