She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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