I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
