So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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