He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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