dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
