dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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