Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I believe in your delicious
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