Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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