yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
