the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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