New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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