My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
