it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
