No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
