I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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