lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
