I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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