In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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