There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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