they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
