I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
