I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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