i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
