I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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