Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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