whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
