So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
