it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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