dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
