No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
