WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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