Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
