I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
