chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
