isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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