I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she smelled like a LAN party
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
