dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
