Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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