I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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