I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
