Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
