the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
