Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
