So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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