dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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