he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many bounce houses so little time
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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