woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
