all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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