i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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