Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
