she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hello my rib-scented angel!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
