textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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