I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
