I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
