guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
