I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
