well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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