I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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