im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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