I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
