Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
