I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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