R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
