i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
4 words: hood of his car
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
