My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
