Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He did a backflip because drugs
Help. Why am I so naked?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
