why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just found a bag of teeth...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
