I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
