Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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