is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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