i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just cropdusted the office
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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