today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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