im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
