I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
